I feel like this grief journey is sometimes so confusing. Just when I think I am moving forward towards more joy than pain, the pain comes in stronger than ever and brings me back to square one. But I am learning how to pick myself up and to bring it before the Lord. Whatever it is. Disappointment of Lost Dreams or Ruined Plans, Fear of the Future, or Empty Arms. I can pick it up and bring it to Him. This is easier said than done, but my time in God's Word today brought me comfort in the knowledge of who God is.
I was reading in Isaiah 45 about God forming the earth and creating it. It reminded me that God created Joshua, and then this verse "Who did not create it in vain, Who formed it to be inhabited" stuck out to me. I thought about how if God made the earth for a purpose, how much more are we purposefully made. Joshua's life was and is even now, purposeful. Joshua was not created in vain.
I continued reading and stopped at the verse that says, "I did not say to the seed of Jacob, Seek Me in vain; I, the Lord speak righteousness, I declare things that are right". I guess it was the fact that I could read God describe Himself to me, but I felt a comfort in knowing "He speaks righteousness" and "declares things that are right". I have known deep down that God is trustworthy, but have doubted it more recently. I doubted that God truly cared, that He really knew what he was doing in my life. Which then led me to verse 21 which says that God is "A just God and a Savior". It's funny how simple verses that are speaking truth can just all of a sudden make sense. It was like I had blinders on to seeing God's goodness and love, but then I read a sentence in the Bible telling me, "God is just, He is a Savior" and it just clicked in my head as true.
I was also encouraged by the following two passages:
Romans 4:16-25
"Therefore it is of faith that it might be according to grace, so that the promise might be sure to all the seed, not only to those who are of the law, but also to those who are of the faith of Abraham, who is the father of us all (as is it written, "I have made you a father of many nations") in the presence of Him who believed--God, who gives life to the dead and calls those things which do not exist as though they did; who contrary to hope, in hope believed, so that he became the father of many nations, according to what was spoken. "So shall your descendants be."
And not being weak in faith, he did not consider his own body, already dead (since he was about a hundred years old), and the deadness of Sarah's womb. He did not waver at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strengthened in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully convinced that what He had promised He was also able to perform.
And therefore, "it was accounted to him for righteousness." Now it was not written for his sake alone that it was imputed to him but also for us. It shall be imputed to us who believe in Him who raised up Jesus our Lord from the dead, who was delivered up because of our offenses, and was raised because of our justification.
*My prayer: To have faith like Abraham. To not waver, to trust in the Lord.
Isaiah 40:27-31
"Why do you say O Jacob, And speak O Israel: "My way is hidden from the Lord, And my just claim is passed over by my God?"
Have you not known?
Have you not heard?
The everlasting God, the Lord, The Creator of the ends of the earth,
Neither faints nor is weary.
His understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the weak, And to those who have no might He increases strength.
Even the youths shall faint and be weary, And the young men shall utterly fall
But those who wait on the Lord Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint."
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