Happy Birthday Joshua!

Saturday was Joshua's birthday. He would have been two years old and it is so hard to believe that it has already been two years since saying goodbye to him. In some ways it does feel like a lifetime ago. I think back on all that has happened in those two years and realize that time has gone by. But when I visit places that have strong memories attached to them, (the zoo, grossmont center (the last place I felt him kick), bates nut farm, and the memorial park) the emotion and memory floods back in and it feels like it just happened. It was more difficult to visit Joshua's tree this year. Each time there is a little anxiety that builds up before we visit. I know I will have to stare reality in the face and I try to focus on the promise of seeing Joshua again in heaven, but still...it's hard. This time, reality hit in a new way. We picked out a nice bouquet of flowers. I loved this beautiful orange dahlia they had. I always try to pick the happy looking flowers and that one looked bright and cheerful. Eddie was showing the flowers to Caleb as we walked over to Joshua's tree and Caleb took his little hand and grabbed the stems and a picture flashed in my mind of Caleb as a little boy, holding flowers that he picked out for his brother's birthday, walking over to place them beneath the tree. And there it was. A new level of reality. Caleb visiting his brother's tree. Eddie and I thought the same thing because when I looked up, our eyes met and we both had tears rolling down our faces. When we got over to the tree, I placed the flowers and Eddie brought Caleb over to look at the wind chime. Caleb loves to play with the giraffe wind chime and I took a video of him playing with it. While videoing I told Caleb, "say happy birthday Joshua" and he mimicked what sounds like the end of happy birthday. You can tell in the video, it made me choke up because it was so unexpected and so sweet to hear his little voice saying, "happy birthday" to his brother. Fortunately he provided a bit of comedic relief at the end when he tried tasting the giraffe. Overall, it was a sweet family time to think of Joshua and celebrate his life. We love and miss him so much and look forward to heaven that much more!

Joshua's happy birthday flowers

Video of Caleb with the windchimes